i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
