My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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