why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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