I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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