Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
