If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
