Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
