He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
