I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
