If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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