Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
