Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
