dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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