Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
