please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
