What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
