Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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