I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
