when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
