I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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