you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
