If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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