4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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