Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
