I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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