yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
