The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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