I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
