Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
