i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
