i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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