Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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