She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
