i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
