It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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