im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
