my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
