i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
