Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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