Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
