My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
