everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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