this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
