i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
