Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
