Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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