Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
