If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would fuck him just for his dog
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
