My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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