You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
