she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
