I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
