i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
