That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
