From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
