i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
