i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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