There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
