Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
