shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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