She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
4 words: hood of his car
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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